Searching for Desiree

Not to overstate the obvious, but having a near-total stranger carry your children for nine months takes a lot of trust on the behalf of intended parents. When we started looking for our stork-fairy-godmother, we had a lot on our wish list: healthy, stable, honest, trustworthy...as well as smart, in a healthy relationship, healthy kids of her own, eats nutritiously, and because I'm a total spelling Nazi, it'd be nice if she knew how to spell basic English.
I wanted someone I could talk to, someone warm, open, positive. This last wished-for attribute ended up becoming such a thorn in my side- at least until we found Desiree. The first agency we signed with had no idea what to do with that request, so they promptly ignored it. Apparently they didn't have a box to check off for "positive", nor did they suss out other possible issues, such as a live-in fiance with an assault and battery charge against his ex-wife and a loaded gun in the house (Yeah. We turned that opportunity down). We went through a roller coaster of emotions for about 7 or 8 months as they sent us profiles of potential candidates: anticipation and hope, followed by disappointment, self-doubt, frustration, anger. So many candidates were on food stamps or government assistance that I had to take a very deep look at my own value system: am I being elitist?  But I just couldn't shake the feeling that it just didn't feel right to me: that I had to put my entire family's lives in the hands of someone who lived an hour away from a hospital but didn't own a car or a computer, trust that she wasn't just doing it for the money when so clearly she was desperate for it, or that she'd feed herself properly when she and her own children were so clearly struggling just to get by.

One case worker, early in our search, said to me straight up: "You're never going to be friends with this woman. All those nice stories you read in magazines are made up. Get it out of your head." But I couldn't get it out of my head.  I couldn't imagine someone doing something more meaningful for us, or giving us a more cherished and valuable gift. How could I not take this person into the depth of my heart? How on earth could I ever see this as a mere business transaction?

Swallowing a loss that could have funded a dream vacation to Africa, we switched agencies. Within weeks we found our ideal carrier in Desiree. She is everything I'd ever dreamed of: healthy and vibrant, full of life, and yes, loads of positive, can-do energy. I felt safe knowing my future children would start their lives inside her, as I know she'd take as good care of them as she has her own three gorgeous kids. (Desiree once laughingly told us, "I'll take even better care of yours than I did my own. You can break your own stuff but you can't break someone else's.") I appreciated the family's honesty: they admitted that at first Johnny thought this gestational carrier idea was far too weird, and Mama Lisa (we've been adopted) was so worried about Desiree's health and how this would affect her daughter that she wasn't fully on board until she saw our profile and read our story, and likely even then still had some questions about the whole thing until she met us in person. Both Desiree and Johnny have careers they love and feel good about, and her husband reminds me of my own. And beautifully enough, she's a 4th grade teacher. Damn, can that girl spell.