15 Weeks

Let me start by saying that everything is fine... At 12 weeks I was at work and out of nowhere I began bleeding, it wasn't spotting, it was almost like a period. I instantly panicked and rushed to my OB's office. The whole car ride (about 45 minutes) I cried, to me, bleeding=miscarriage. I remember thinking that I was 12 weeks....we were supposed to be out of the woods, how could this be happening? My mind kept coming back to Sara and Jonathan and their dreams of having a family, they had even discussed names and nursery themes...how could I tell them that something terrible had happened. I did not call Sara; I wanted to have more information before I made the call. No point in all of us worrying, right? I called Tina, the director of client relations at our surrogacy agency (aka calm voice of reason and experience) I wanted to know if I should call Sara and Jon. I had composed myself by the time I spoke to her but hearing her voice I broke down again. She assured me that as long as there wasn't any cramping that we may be ok, she asked me to remain calm and call them after I talked to a doctor. Looking back, a part of me thinks I should have called the parents right away. It is such a fine line you walk as a surrogate, you want the parents to have as much control as possible, but you don’t want to give them bad news until you know for sure.

I managed to pull myself together as I walked into the office but as soon as I began to tell the secretary why I was there the waterworks began to flow again. She assured me that I would be able to have an ultrasound and speak to a midwife. On the way back to the bathroom I saw one of my favorite midwives and she saw that I was upset. I explained the situation and said "they aren't mine to lose"...that's the thing...they aren't my children, losing these babies would have been devastating to so many.

I was quickly taken to ultrasound where I saw two moving babies with healthy heartbeats, they were both measuring right where they should be and I let out a sigh of relief. What the ultrasound tech did find was a subcorionic hemorrhage. The way this was explained to me is a subcorionic hemorrhage is a pocket between the embryo and the uterine wall that fills up with blood. Early on in pregnancy there is a chance that this can cause the fetus to be removed from the uterine lining, which would cause a miscarriage. Being further along means that there is a lower risk to the babies. After the appointment I called Sara and Jonathan, they were relieved that everything was ok and super concerned that I was ok.

I went back a week later, the hematoma was still there but there was no blood in it and both babies were happy and growing. The babies are already starting to show their personalities, Baby A is super active at each ultrasound and Baby B is pretty relaxed. I told Sara I need to get an ultrasound machine so at any point I can just check in and know that they are ok. I think she thought I was joking J.

I told my classroom last week (4^th graders) about the babies (I first sent a note home by mail to their parents telling them the situation and asking that they contact me if they didn’t want me to share this news with their child). I didn’t have any parents who didn’t want me to share the news with their child; I had quite the opposite response. I had parents calling and emailing to wish me well and see how I was feeling!

The kids took the news well; I kept it simple and told them that a very special couple couldn’t carry a baby and that they wanted a family more than anything. I told them that a doctor put the babies in my tummy when they were very small. I told them the babies are not related to me and they will not go home with me. I got an array of questions about how the doctors got the babies in there…and even a question about if the babies will drink formula lol.
This was the last group of people I had to tell, I feel relieved and very blessed to have so many people out there supporting our family and the babies’ family….people have been overwhelmingly supportive and kind.

                                                   Almost 15 Weeks Belly Shot

12 Weeks!

I always thought when I hit certain milestones in this pregnancy I would breathe easier...not true so far. I feel even more anxious than I did with my own pregnancies, there's so much riding on this, so many hopes and dreams invested.
Sara and Jonathan came to Iowa last week and got to see the babies on ultrasound for the first time in person. They were both moving around and I felt such a sense of pride,  I was fulfilling my promise to grow and protect these babies...and so far, succeeding.
Johnathan talked medical talk with the ultrasound tech while Sara and I admired the twins.
After the ultrasound Sara and Jon got to meet one of my favorite midwives and we left the appointment so excited that Sara and I went to peruse Babies r' Us for a bit.
The next day was another important day for me, Sara and Jon drove the hour from their hotel in the Quad Cities to our home, we live in a small town of about 1,100 people, where everyone knows everyone and children play freely in their backyards. We live in your typical midwestern small town, I was so excited to show Jon and Sara where their babies would be spending their first 9 months. I wanted them to see how quiet, safe and "normal" it was. I also couldn't wait for them to meet our children.
We banned the kids from playing with anything until after Sara and Jon showed up...the house had to be clean and picked up (a facade I was creating, who really ever has a picked up house with a 1, 3 and 6 year old?). Finally they came, bearing gifts and won the kids over instantly. I gave a quick tour of the house so I could set the kids free once again to put the house back into its natural state of chaos.
My older sister and her family as well as a good friend of ours were there and got to meet these amazing people, I was nervous, but I knew everyone would hit it off.
Johnny's mom (who had fertility problems and ultimately chose adoption) met Sara with an emotional hug and said "I know how you feel. I'm so glad you get to be a mom."  Even Johnny had tears in his eyes at this point.
We had a big lunch and soon it was time for Sara and Jonathan to make their way back to Chicago for their flight back to the east coast.
Exhale.....the visit went better than I could have imagined, I felt a sense of peace and calm.
This visit holds a lot of significance for me; Sara and Jon got to see their babies and to meet mine, they got to see the home in which their children will grow until they are strong enough to come into the world and make that trip back east. I will not fully exhale until that day, but I will do everything in my power to make sure they are safe and healthy until that time comes.